Dummy's Guide To Haphazardness
Hmm.. Considering my fair amount of success in the art of haphazarding, I thought maybe it would do some good to post a guide to the absolute mastery of this subject matter.
Haphazard Mugging
To effectively master the art of the above, you must first learn to whole-heartedly embrace the concept of "minimal effort, maximum results".
Let me paint a picture for you. Would you rather put in 50 hours of studying to get an A, or 5 hours of studying to get an A-? If you like the latter, you're halfway there.
Confidence is the second part. You must constantly remind yourself that you're at the forefront of the mugging race and you are responsible for revolutionizing the way people mug. You must also remind yourself that despite how challenging and daunting the odds are, you can make it POSSIBLE.
Now the third all important ingredient. Burning the midnight oil. This is extremely crucial the day before your exam paper. Especially for papers that are open book. All the better. Glossarify and index your brain, so you know where the salient details are in the book, for easy referencing.
And you're on your way to a haphazard grade! Don't forget your S/U! Teeheehee.
Haphazard Driving
To achieve this, do the following:
1) Bottoms Up 2 full glasses of Chivas, without the addition of any soft drink. Ice... is highly recommended, for that chill factor.
2) Followed by more glasses of Chivas + soft drink. Oh at this point, you can substitute the drinks for others. Vodka Redbull's a good choice. Need something to sober yourself up? Try Gin Tonic. Haha
3) Then, do this in the following order. Take note of the order. Walk into the toilet with your buddies. Then tell them you have 3 bananas. Then tell them you need to sober up.
4) Drive home.
This technique guarantees that you'll have to go to jail and you must pay $200 to redeem yourself in the process. Either that or you'll gain 60s of instant fame by crashing into many road dividers and ERP gantries along the CTE. And it's a guaranteed 1.01 loss of your driving licence for many years to come.
Cheaper alternative? Erm. Order a jug of Sangria White and a jug of Sangria Red. Watch Germany win the penalty shootout. Listen to people telling you about how they want to da bao bao. And zi jiao lan jiao.
Then drive.
Ok. Enough haphazardness for today. Stay tuned for more!
Disclaimer: You are in no way indemnified under hanselin.blogspot.com for the above mentioned actions and techniques. Neither am I responsible for your loss of driving licences, liver failure, bad results, the burning of a hole in your pocket or your stroke of good luck. However, should you wish to credit me or meet me for your nirvanic and enlightened experience in haphazardness, feel free to tag or email me at hanselin@gmail.com. Responses not guaranteed though. Champions and Fishermans are barred from commenting on this ridiculous post.
[headmusic] : Mary J Blige - About You
Haphazard Mugging
To effectively master the art of the above, you must first learn to whole-heartedly embrace the concept of "minimal effort, maximum results".
Let me paint a picture for you. Would you rather put in 50 hours of studying to get an A, or 5 hours of studying to get an A-? If you like the latter, you're halfway there.
Confidence is the second part. You must constantly remind yourself that you're at the forefront of the mugging race and you are responsible for revolutionizing the way people mug. You must also remind yourself that despite how challenging and daunting the odds are, you can make it POSSIBLE.
Now the third all important ingredient. Burning the midnight oil. This is extremely crucial the day before your exam paper. Especially for papers that are open book. All the better. Glossarify and index your brain, so you know where the salient details are in the book, for easy referencing.
And you're on your way to a haphazard grade! Don't forget your S/U! Teeheehee.
Haphazard Driving
To achieve this, do the following:
1) Bottoms Up 2 full glasses of Chivas, without the addition of any soft drink. Ice... is highly recommended, for that chill factor.
2) Followed by more glasses of Chivas + soft drink. Oh at this point, you can substitute the drinks for others. Vodka Redbull's a good choice. Need something to sober yourself up? Try Gin Tonic. Haha
3) Then, do this in the following order. Take note of the order. Walk into the toilet with your buddies. Then tell them you have 3 bananas. Then tell them you need to sober up.
4) Drive home.
This technique guarantees that you'll have to go to jail and you must pay $200 to redeem yourself in the process. Either that or you'll gain 60s of instant fame by crashing into many road dividers and ERP gantries along the CTE. And it's a guaranteed 1.01 loss of your driving licence for many years to come.
Cheaper alternative? Erm. Order a jug of Sangria White and a jug of Sangria Red. Watch Germany win the penalty shootout. Listen to people telling you about how they want to da bao bao. And zi jiao lan jiao.
Then drive.
Ok. Enough haphazardness for today. Stay tuned for more!
Disclaimer: You are in no way indemnified under hanselin.blogspot.com for the above mentioned actions and techniques. Neither am I responsible for your loss of driving licences, liver failure, bad results, the burning of a hole in your pocket or your stroke of good luck. However, should you wish to credit me or meet me for your nirvanic and enlightened experience in haphazardness, feel free to tag or email me at hanselin@gmail.com. Responses not guaranteed though. Champions and Fishermans are barred from commenting on this ridiculous post.
[headmusic] : Mary J Blige - About You
posted by HanseL at
4:39 PM
