Lost Cause

I was a little bored from attempting work in the afternoon and evening. So I took a look at the other blog and laid it in comparison to this, taking also into consideration the older posts from the earlier part of the year.

There's change alright.

The presence and absence of love can change a person so much. It is a double-edged sword, an item that effects pleasure and euphoria in the short run, while promoting unhappiness and regrets in the long run, all in a bid of attaining some form of balancing equilibrium for both parties involved in love. Sick, isn't it.

What's my point then? My point is nothing actually.

Which leads me to my next point.

I have to admit.

I'm fighting a lost cause, a war that never ends, with the memories in my head. I'm one with my memory and my memory, one with myself. I try so hard, fight so hard to purge them, only to lose myself in the battle. My memory enroaches into everything I do. From just walking and shopping along the streets, to a simple chore as heeding the call of nature in the toilet, to the mundane activity of doing my homework, to nightfall, where sleep becomes elusive again.

I pray at night, to you. Asking you for help in seeking a solution, perhaps also asking you to assist me in getting the solution that I've always wanted. But I don't think I'm getting anywhere. I motivate myself to find the solution, but blocks never fail to materialize along the way.

It also doesn't help, when I observe some people around me and I realize that I'm partially responsible for messing up their heads. So perhaps what goes around, really comes around.

So what's the problem really.. I realize I like being alone, but I also hate being alone at times. Those days, this was never a problem, because you were still around. These days, it's different. The people I meet are not like you, except for one though. The people who are not like you, are a dime in a dozen.

Damn it, really.
It's a lost cause, formatting memories and finding another you.