2.30am - 3.15am
ok. even running long distances isn't making me sleepy. maybe, i need to start pushing the mileage to double digits.
a troubled mind always starts from a troubled childhood, a dysfunctional household.
the current problem with her, is that she doesn't know when to stop.
true, maybe because there's no one at home most of the time, so whenever i'm at home, she seizes the opportunity to unload. and the only person she can unload to is her only child, her only son.
the problem with me is that, i treasure peace and quiet and solitude when i'm at home and i have very little tolerance for conversational content that do not display any trace of intelligence. so when she rambles about things like how
1) need to check expiry date for milk
2) smell the milk to see if it stinks, cos if it stinks, means go bad, means cannot drink
3) grandma dinner must go grandma dinner must go grandma dinner must go
4) repeat loop, just change the order, or change the context, or the item in question
it's absolutely vexing.
then when i tell her that she's conversing about things that are very common sense, she says that it's her right to talk and nobody can force her not to talk.
nownow. any logical person can tell that you're trying to be a waiter, you put X on the plate and deliver it to the customer, but the customer who's the mom, sees X as Y on the plate, and tells you that that it's Y and not X.
so come. can anyone understand the plight of what i go through everyday at home? maybe not right?
because
1) your mom might be smarter
2) you are not alone in hearing all this nonsense, because you have siblings to tank the residue when shit hits the ceiling fan
3) your brain isn't as cluttered as mine, so most probably you have more tolerance and patience
4) your mom knows when to stop
5) your mom's a lot more rational and less stubborn
6) your mom doesn't go around prying into your personal belongings every week
7) probably there are a lot more reasons, but i can't think off hand now.
that's why i drank so much last night. because i left house in COMPLETE frustration. she seems to be blaming me for the delay in the trip and the passport problems. then she started saying that because she doesn't earn a single cent, that's why i'm trying to climb over her head. i told her to stop, she wouldn't, so all hell broke loose.
then the volume-anger spiral starts. i raise my voice, she gets angry, she raises hers, i get angry, i raise mine, yadayadayada, go figure the econs.
am i trying to climb over your head? whenever i'm at home, your 2 feet have always been trampling over my head. be thankful i didn't start a war despite the nonsense you did to me. i'm not doing so because of dad's sake.
ironically, the 2 most discerning traits that i've absorbed from her genes are, her stubbornness and her organization.
and the former is always placing us at constant loggerheads. on average, we clash twice a week. that simple.
so?
1) stay at home lesser, which i can't, because a lot of my resources are in my study room.
2) talk to her lesser, which i can't, because she's still my mom for goodness sake.
3) she will come and talk to me, and i precisely understand why she does so.
yeah, there are things which are always out of our control. but for my case, it seems that ALMOST everything is out of my control. i'm not being pessimistic. i'm just being very very very honest.
from family, to love, to people.
and i can't exert control, because when it comes to the house, she's in firm control.
hahahahaha, where is this all going?
i'll be a bastard if i said i want her out of my life, and i would be a lying sucker if i said i don't need her.
because it's madness to study and do housework.
how? help me man. wherever you are.
[itunes]: Coldplay - The Scientist
a troubled mind always starts from a troubled childhood, a dysfunctional household.
the current problem with her, is that she doesn't know when to stop.
true, maybe because there's no one at home most of the time, so whenever i'm at home, she seizes the opportunity to unload. and the only person she can unload to is her only child, her only son.
the problem with me is that, i treasure peace and quiet and solitude when i'm at home and i have very little tolerance for conversational content that do not display any trace of intelligence. so when she rambles about things like how
1) need to check expiry date for milk
2) smell the milk to see if it stinks, cos if it stinks, means go bad, means cannot drink
3) grandma dinner must go grandma dinner must go grandma dinner must go
4) repeat loop, just change the order, or change the context, or the item in question
it's absolutely vexing.
then when i tell her that she's conversing about things that are very common sense, she says that it's her right to talk and nobody can force her not to talk.
nownow. any logical person can tell that you're trying to be a waiter, you put X on the plate and deliver it to the customer, but the customer who's the mom, sees X as Y on the plate, and tells you that that it's Y and not X.
so come. can anyone understand the plight of what i go through everyday at home? maybe not right?
because
1) your mom might be smarter
2) you are not alone in hearing all this nonsense, because you have siblings to tank the residue when shit hits the ceiling fan
3) your brain isn't as cluttered as mine, so most probably you have more tolerance and patience
4) your mom knows when to stop
5) your mom's a lot more rational and less stubborn
6) your mom doesn't go around prying into your personal belongings every week
7) probably there are a lot more reasons, but i can't think off hand now.
that's why i drank so much last night. because i left house in COMPLETE frustration. she seems to be blaming me for the delay in the trip and the passport problems. then she started saying that because she doesn't earn a single cent, that's why i'm trying to climb over her head. i told her to stop, she wouldn't, so all hell broke loose.
then the volume-anger spiral starts. i raise my voice, she gets angry, she raises hers, i get angry, i raise mine, yadayadayada, go figure the econs.
am i trying to climb over your head? whenever i'm at home, your 2 feet have always been trampling over my head. be thankful i didn't start a war despite the nonsense you did to me. i'm not doing so because of dad's sake.
ironically, the 2 most discerning traits that i've absorbed from her genes are, her stubbornness and her organization.
and the former is always placing us at constant loggerheads. on average, we clash twice a week. that simple.
so?
1) stay at home lesser, which i can't, because a lot of my resources are in my study room.
2) talk to her lesser, which i can't, because she's still my mom for goodness sake.
3) she will come and talk to me, and i precisely understand why she does so.
yeah, there are things which are always out of our control. but for my case, it seems that ALMOST everything is out of my control. i'm not being pessimistic. i'm just being very very very honest.
from family, to love, to people.
and i can't exert control, because when it comes to the house, she's in firm control.
hahahahaha, where is this all going?
i'll be a bastard if i said i want her out of my life, and i would be a lying sucker if i said i don't need her.
because it's madness to study and do housework.
how? help me man. wherever you are.
[itunes]: Coldplay - The Scientist
posted by HanseL at
2:34 AM
