Hale Part 2

I guess only some people will like them. And some won't.
But they are good, in my opinion.
The wonders of youtube.

Hans Equilibrium

The biggest problem confronting the world today is "the illusion that our differences matter more than our common humanity".

Well. Choice is an illusion created between those who have power, and those who have not.
You convince people that they get a one way ticket to heaven in an instant if they kill a lot of innocent people who don't share their reality. Ultimately, these suicide bombers all believe that it's the correct choice that they are taking, based on deception.

But then again. If everyone all had their own choices and did what they felt was right, without believing what people tell them, then there will be a loss of common choice.

So we'll do away with Game Theory.
And concentrate on Choice Theory.
The need to find the choice equilibrium and make the common choice that's good for all society, maximizing social welfare benefit and minimizing social welfare cost.

What the heck. I'm talking cock. Sorry. The braces are doing wonders to my head.

Braces

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

No pain no gain.
Suddenly I really hate to talk.

After the braces, went to my pop's office. Omg, his room is like.... big enough to have 10 mahjong tables running at one go.
While looking at the Honda Civic today, my father told me more surprising stuff.
Just save the $$$$$ man. Save it for a rainy day. Cos it always seems to rain these days. Haha.

Ok. Finally some mahjong tomorrow. My hands are itchy.
But my mouth and teeth aren't.

Hale

Broken Sonnet



The Day You Say Goodnight


I need to find their album. Fast.

It's Time To Shop Shop Shop

Did you know a vest at FCUK costs $99?
Did you know a t-shirt with the word "no fcukin worries" costs $49.90?
Did you know I bought a shirt which looks so much nicer with a whole lot more graphic design at FCUK for $49.90 also?
Did you know I blew $150 on clothing today?
Did you know that it costs only $80 to change your ipod mini battery? (Shiok)
Did you know it costs $110 to buy an external DVD driver?
Did you know the collection of clothing at Topman absolutely sucks right now?
Did you know that shoes at Pacific Plaza are going for 40% for the 2nd pair?
Did you know I have 2 x $20 Addidas vouchers ?
Did you know that you should never buy the same shirt as your buddy?
Did you know that Van Heusen shirts can match the standard of Raoul?
Did you know that I shopped for 3.5 hours with Greg today?
Did you know Ding Tai Fung's Fried Rice still rocks?
Did you know that I don't know that you know that I don't know that you don't know that I know that you don't know that I know you didn't know?

Hey. If you haven't known, Maths isn't the only thing I know how to do, you know.

Inspiration

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous.
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory ofGod that is within us.
It's not just in some of us -- it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others

-Marianne Williamson

Sorry ah Leonie. Kope from your blog. I found it nice.

The Crest And The Trough

Some entry before I fall asleep. I'm perturbed at my inability to do stats.

Gone were the days of thick rimmed spectacles and lenses bigger than your eye socket.
Come the days of spectacles where their frames are made of flexible rubber, with such a cheap cost price, but exhorbitant selling price

Going to go are the days of wired earphones.
Come the days are your MP3 bluetooth earphones, coupled with noise cancelling ability and foldable for easy storage.

Going to go are your Crumplers and Birkenstocks.
Come the days are your feet hugging compact shoes, or perhaps translucent/transparent shoes, or perhaps shoes with adjustable heels and cushioning from within for maximal comfort for the user.

Gone were the days of analog cameras.
Come the days of digital cameras. Coming are the days of plasma cameras, with real time Photoshop embedded within the software, for that perfect flawless editing of your flawed complexion

Going to go are the days of MSN.
Coming are the days of an all-in-one messanging system, with integrated email, email address books, keyboard, Skype messaging, teleconferencing all in built into one seamless interface.

Gone were the days of hardworking labour, saving and amassing wealth through prudent savings.
Come are the days of acquisitions, enterprise, materialism, saving and investment through stocks, bonds, equities, futures, trust funds, fixed deposits, currencies.

Gone were the days of partitioned albums and TV Programmes, sorted according to artistes, performers and genres.
Come are the days of user-defined playlists and programme schedules, with the advent of MP4 players and Broadband TV.

Going to go are the days of armed and personnel warfare.
Come are the days of propagandic, digital and economic warfare. With North Korea flooding America with counterfeit American Greenbacks. With China unleashing a web-based virus so potent that it could electronically cripple any country in an instant. With religions stoking the flames of hatred through sermons and preaches, providing a cause and false sense of justification for the very people who wish to be deceived.

Going to go are the days of racism.
Coming are the days of countrism. Where you're marked by your birthplace, regardless of your skin colour.

I'm talking cock again am I? Ok I'm tired. Easier to sleep now. Lol.

Strange Strange Strange

It can really get weird sometimes.
My father has spent close to 2 weeks at home resting. Lobo-ing around. Talking cock over the handphone. Msning with his partners. Grumbling that there's nothing to do.

Guess what?
He's going back tomorrow on his first day of work to sign papers for a acquisition deal. Yup, my pop's gonna be bought over.
Damn funny man. He managed to get $1000k for transportation allowance on the contract. Plus a whole lot of other nonsense. The Aussies must really be generous.

Talk about weird man.
So the equation goes:
Insert a stent into your heart artery --> Get bought over by a company and get more $$ while practically stoning at home for 2 weeks

*shrug*

So.... if I pontang school for 2 weeks, will I get CAP 5? Haha.
........

Illegal

"And since you have been gone
I bite my nails for days and hours
And question my own questions on and on"

13 Senses

Cool. Thirteen Senses new album's coming out in a couple of months. Can't wait.

Mixtape

F

Oh. It's the twelfth again.

Pokey Ball

Not bad. 3 out of 4 NUS Teams are into the Quarter Finals. High chance we're walking away with the challenge trophy.

In any case, I think people seem to prefer looking at pictures more than words, so here are the pictures from today's tourney: (doubt anyone wants to look at guys.. so well.... *shrug*)

Eric Chew attempting a masse

I stink I thick out like a pore tumb.

Sheryl is one hyperactive female pool player. She can dance real well with the cue stick in her hands

Shuting Star. She's like 174m? Heh.

Everyone's all blur except Yuka

I think Brig is hungry. She can't wait to eat up my calculator.

Oh I forgot to mention. This guy broke clear with a house cue.

The end result of trying to do statistical combinatorial questions at Klassic.

The aimbots of NUS

Nice stuff Leonie. Keep them coming my friend. =)

If you see me walking the road with someone else
It's not because I like his company
Its because you're not brave enough to walk beside me.

If you hear me talking about him all the time
Its not because he pleases me
Its because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat

If you feel me falling with someone new
Its not because I love him
Its because you're not there to catch me fall

If you feel lost, I too am nowhere
I too don't know where the road is going
Are we gonna cross each other's path
Or just completely turn around?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound

Don't let me walk with him
It's you I want to walk with
Don't let me talk of him
It's you I want to talk with
Don't let me fall for him
It's you I want to fall in love with.

"THE ANSWER"
When you thought I wasn't brave enough to walk beside you
I was behind you every step of the way
Still filled with awe because of the beauty that stands before me

When you thought I was too deaf to hear your heartbeat
I didn't want to assume anything
And I was afraid to lose our friendship

When you thought I wasn't there to catch you
It was because you never gave me the chance
You never reached the bottom, you've already grabbed a branch

If you feel like you are nowhere, I too am lost
I too don't know where the road is going
Are we just going to turn around,
Or are we gonna cross each other's path?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound?

Don't let me walk alone
I want to walk by your side
Don't let me talk of something else
It's you I want to talk with
Don't let me fall for someone else
Its you I want to fall in love with.

"sometimes good's better than bad"
"Heaven fell on herself tonight
As the devil met me in the wishing well
And in that moment I found myself knowing
That in the end it's just about you and me
Nothing smaller or larger
Though dragons are good for the soul
Nothing can be better than baring yourself for another...
Open for scrutiny, ridicule, and indulgence
Therein lies the balls, and the mind, and the heart...
As fear is truly the Mindkiller...
When nothing is left...
Everything is gained...
You see I wish I was a poet
But I know as we go round and round
Though endings are never ever happy
It's the happy moments along the way
That in the end
Make it...ok..."

Yup I guess so. The happy moments. They make it... ok.

!@#!@#!@

My father's alive and kicking. He's talking more cock than usual.

And fuck la. My headphones spoil again. So I guess I have no affinity with batteries and earphones what so ever. I feel like buying a good Seinheisser one and just protect it.

*Grumble*

Slevin

Ah what the hell. Yawn. Zeff's blog pretty interesting.
Anyway, don't believe a thing I write below.

7 random facts about me:
1) my thumb's abnormal
2) i'm a quiet person actually. surprised?
3) i lost consciousness with a 40 deg fever before
4) i should be having a sibling who's older than me by a year
5) i cheated in exams before, and ended up passing instead of failing
6) i was a prefect (hahah serious?)
7) i miss Canada

7 favourite music at the moment:
1) Lifehouse - Blind
2) Lostprophets - Rooftops (A Liberation Broadcast)
3) Sheryl Crow & Sting - Always On Your Side
4) Lifehouse - Spin
5) Everything But The Girl - I Don't Wanna Talk About It
6) Waking Ashland - Rumours
7) Dishwalla - Once In A While
8) Fort Minor - Where'd You Go (exception haha)

7 food I like the most:
1) Fried Hokkien Mee
2) Yam Pudding aka. Oh Ni
3) Linguine Carbonara
4) Hawaiian Pizza
5) Economical Rice aka. Cai Fan
6) All kinds of vegetables (serious. i love veggie)
7) Curry Fish Head

7 things i hate the most:
1) People wasting my time
2) Styrofoam / Rubber screeching sounds
3) People copying my ideas and style
4) Over-relying on people and people over-relying and sticking to me like glue
5) Being told what to do
6) Getting scolded when I did nothing wrong
7) Indecisiveness
8) Chinese (i don't care i'm throwing this in haha)

7 things i say the most:
1) go fuck yourself.
2) nonsensical
3) i don't care
4) please don't be a cock
5) screw it
6) bo chiong bo lampa
7) sibeiiiiiiiiiiiiii siannnnnnnnnnnnnn

Hey, people reading my blog, feel free to do it too. =)
Like I said, don't believe a thing I write. Haha.

Ooops

I'm procrastinating Chong Yi's slides. Haven't taken a good look at them yet. Sheesh. Sorry dude.
Quite jialat. I'm struggling a little with 3220 and 2108.
My 2131 is a goner. I haven't even touched Tutorial 2 yet.
Not a single reading done for Geog.

Siao liao. Hahahaha.
In any case, things should go well tomorrow. Intuition tells me stents are sufficient. No requirement for bypass or whatever.
Touchwood.
-_-"

Bros, thanks for the smses and phone calls. Yea.

Darkness Part 10 (Rising)

Time check: 1.49am.
Noticed the trend? That whenever my entry begins with the word time check, the words are all laced with darkness? Do I care? I don't.

One minute I'm this. The next minute I'm someone else. I'm like some fluctuating system of linear equations. One minute it's consistent, the next it's inconsistent. And the trends to consistency and inconsistency were more obvious back then. Nowdays it's simply sporadic. Some thought and random memory enroaches into my mind and I start channelling into the other side.
Simply put, the crux of the problem is, I'm starting to have a lot of difficulty controlling the switch that toggles the distinction and segregation between the normal and the dark side.

Yarh. I'm surprised at my ability to remember names during yesterday's and today's session so well. But there are times it's a fucking curse to have such a good memory of events, both in the distant and present past. I keep remembering. That's the problem.
The reason why I think I do relatively well without studying so much is because I have this particular way of remembering things. I remember things based on organization. What makes it even more unique is that I remember things based on the things that I remember. Blur? You'll be surprised. I use remembered memories as a foundation and stepping stone to remembering more things.

Ya. That's precisely the abysmal problem. It's a sick cycle carousel. Because I use that method I mentioned previously to remember things, I have to erase the basic fundamental memory block that's entrenched so deep in my brain, so long ago in the past that it's almost impossible. That's why I keep remembering. Fuck.

The only salvation I can get is to keep myself busy, so that I don't start thinking. And when I don't think, nature takes its course and they start to fade. But they just don't seem to fade. Some random event that occurs will suddenly trigger the tirade of memories. And the memories will start to drag me deep back into the dark side.

People see me as a contradiction sometimes. One minute I'm all chatty and talkative. The next minute I'm all quiet and scowling. Why? Because my brain is fucking up somewhere in the memory department. That's why I prefer being alone by myself sometimes. So now maybe you peeps might know why I'm like that.

I spare people the trouble of explaining my suddent transient change in behaviour. I save energy of attempting to convert back to the other side when I'm in the doldrums. Ironic isn't it? People all think I'm like some steel pillar that doesn't shake and crumble. I do. I'm not superhuman.

So that's why I don't usually share the troubles that float and congregate in my head. Because till date, a rare few can knock me back into shape or understand my frustrations at life. Those that know me for very long. Or those who are like me and think the same way as me. I'm actually a very quiet person in nature, especially when I'm immersed in some deep reflection or doing some weird calculation or event visualization in my head. You'll be surprised yet again. I actually hate talking sometimes. I rather just sit back, stare at the stars, lie on the beach and lose my soul to the night. Or sit at one isolated corner, sip a cup of coffee or eat my favourite plate of Hokkien Mee and think. Or lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling and lose myself in the tranquil night surroundings. Those are the moments when words are just red herrings and white elephants. You're one with the night and the night is one with you. But those were the distant days. Distant. Sigh.

Which probably explains the fuel and drive for independence. Perhaps that's why my insistence on independence is backfiring on me time and time again. I hate relying on people. I enjoy doing things alone, by myself. And ever since then, it's getting worse by the day. Ironically, I prefer people relying on me instead. That's the idiotic irony. It's all coming in and it's not going back the other way. That's why I'm trying to change.

But rest assured to those who are reading this now. My frustrations are just temporary. I'm not your type of person who perpetually wallows in self pity. I'm pretty good myself at picking myself up time and time again, surprisingly. That's confidence for you. But well, the following is my weakness for you too. Unbridled frustration and complaints. But I rather have this weakness than be an indecisive wishy washy person who keeps sitting on the god-damn fence.

My greatest weakness? The ability to move on easily and be indifferent to many things. But to be mired in the same old spot in certain crucial events. It's like a Maths student attempting to do a MA1100 question who chooses to heck care why "1+1 = 2" but insists on solving why "1+1+1 = 2 + 1". A poor example, but it roughly draws parallel to what I'm trying to say. I still can't move on ever since you're gone.

How now brown cow? The only solution I have is to jump off the springboard and dive myself into the whirlpool of Maths, Cuesports, Tuition and other stuff that I cannot mention. Not to mention taking more care of you Dad after tomorrow's procedure. And slowly let the slow, yet insidious, viscous and relentless immersion of indifference take over me. Perhaps by being indifferent would I choose neither side of the fence to be on, and create a new personality out of myself by choosing neither.

Dad, hang in there. Everything's going to be alright.
Sorry Val. Can't send you off. Hope you'll understand.
I don't really quite care if you guys keep holding me hostage for the absences. Even if I did explain myself, you guys always think I'm indulging in some inconsequential activity. So be it then.

Guess what?
I've just listened to Lifehouse's Blind for the 183th time. Pretty much the song that sums up everything in my head, shrunk into a 5 min description by Jason Wade.

PRC > Hansel

Okokok for once I lose.
I crashed Juncai's MA3220 tutorial today.
Guess what, he did his entire tutorial on one sheet of foolscap paper. Pro siah.

And everyone around me (looking all Cheena and PRC-ish) with their finished solutions was just staring at the whiteboard, looking at the tutor scribble down answers to the questions.
Me?
I was doing Qsn 3 when he was discussing Qsn 1, and doing Qsn 4 when he was discussing Qsn 2.
My tutorial classes have literally become "do tutorial" classes.

Shit this is too haphazard. Haha.

And nowdays, when I look around in Maths lectures, I'm starting to have a lot of difficulty differentiating who's a PRC and who's not. It seems that after all those proofs on why "1+1 = 2" and why square root 2 exists, you start looking like one of them.

I mean, can you fathom me speaking Chinese?
Ok enough grumbling.
Time to sleep.
More freshies to look forward to at Klassic later. Yay. =)

Same Problem

Time Check : 12.12am.

It's tough la.
Attitude problem.
Prima Donna.
Loyalties and commitment elsewhere.

That's the problem when you don't have the opportunity to select a committee. You have shit served on your plate. And you lanlan got to eat it.
Who cares. Do I care? I don't. Lol.

*shrug*
See how it goes.
Many people have seen the worst of me. That's the problem too. They remember the bad but not the good.
The way I work now is I just shoot without much thought. I don't have a damn about sympathy or reasons. I'm pretty close to the epitomy of indifference. Why? Because I don't care.

Anyway, a friend mentioned something to me the other day.
"You seem more bo chap these days. There's like this aura of nonchalence around you."

Yeah kinda. I agree. There are some things I still care and definitely care more over the past week. But there are some things I don't give a flying fuck whether it happens or not.
Cos there are occasions where I do so much, nothin happens.
And there are occasions where I don't do anything at all, and it suddenly happens.

So the verdict?
Be indifferent. It's all about luck, not God.

I don't care!!! Haha.

Poke Ball

Huh? Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter is dead? He got killed by a stingray for your info. Oh man. Guess he wasn't that plastic afterall. Condolences to him.

Things are looking good for Monday's training. Fun people. And I'm surprised I can remember all their names so quickly.
Hope I'm not wasting memory space man. Because suddenly ODE seems so much more easier than my Probability lectures.
P(I don't understand ST2131) = 0.8 at the moment.
I need more memory and RAM for ST2131. Arghhh.

Kansas City Shuffle

The Kansas City Shuffle.
Looking left when you should be looking right.
Catching someone completely unaware at the right time, right moment.
Don't you just love the concept of deception.
Life's full of surprises.
It's as though you're emulating this walking bag of magic tricks.
Surprise!

Forgot to blog about this, but go watch Lucky Number Slevin. One of the better shows in the month.

4 more days. Gotta mug a shit load over these few days to cover up for the expected lost time. Oh man.
I hate mugging.
But feels fun to be able to stomp on PRCs once in a while.
Haha.

Wrath

I have one hell of a bad temper.
Temper but justified temper nonetheless.
Fucking hell. Mail tell you all 9.30 come. In the end, come at 10+
Then things cock up, come say "why you do this, why you do that"
Worse is come and bin chao chao at me.

Don't you just enjoy The Apprentice, where you're Donald Trump and you can just go "You're Fucking Fired"

This blog is starting to become a focal point of frustration ventiliation all over again.
Indifference Hansel. Indifference. You're forgetting the magic word.

Anyway, thanks Greg for the talk with the gin tonic at Alley.
You read my mind well. Thanks.

OMFG

"i'm at arts canteen having break. passing me receipt books? you have until 12pm"

oh i forgot.
the world revolves around you.
mrs dean of cuesports.

-console
cl_excuses 101
cl_bochap 1
cl_indifference 999999
cl_ignorespeed 999999
hud_siamswitch 1
bind ctrl "+siamarrow"
bind alt "+actblur"
bind spacebar "+livelonger"

0.1% chance of heart attack, stroke and kidney failure. For goodness sake, luck be with me for once?

damn it again

-shifted-